FACEBOOK TO CHARGE USERS!

BREAKING -  Facebook, soon to be a public company, has reportedly announced a bold new plan – charging users?

Mark Zuckerberg reportedly announced that there will be a host of new changes to Facebook after the company goes public.

WWN’s  J.B. Smitts broke the story that Facebook was shutting down on July 15th, 2012.  Maybe this helped Zuckerberg come up with his new plan?

Pressure from angry users has been too much and Facebook is looking at an alternative, something that will persuade Mark Zuckerberg to keep the site alive:  his social media platform is going to start charging users!

According to sources outside the company, Facebook is planning a subscription-based service with monthly fees starting at $0.99 for a basic “friendship” which allows for the posting of text and just one profile picture.  This fee will increase, depending on the number of friends you have, the messages posted and sent, and the pictures/videos/ games put on a user’s page.  The monthly fee will be capped at $50.00 per month at the high-end.

Bottom line:  the more you use Facebook, the more you will pay.

Reports from sources not affiliated with company are saying that all existing content has been “grandfathered” and will not be disrupted – though Facebook has decided to share this data with government agencies, including the FBI , the CIA and Michael Moore.

CIO, FLoyd Collins said – “people will get used to paying.  It’s not so bad.  What’s a few bucks a month?”

Investment bankers, including Goldman Sachs, who are bring the company public,  learned that Mark Zuckerberg wanted to shutter the site, and are thrilled at the prospect of Facebook converting to a pay service.

“The addition of this substantial revenue windfall makes Facebook all that more attractive as an investment,” said Tom Wotozowski, Senior Vice President of Goldman Sachs.  “This will make it the largest corporation on the planet, in the history of the planet.”

Industry watchers estimate that the new fee-based program will generate well in excess of $50 billion in new revenue for the company – based on the most conservative assumptions of usage and the proposed tiered fee structure.

These estimates, of course, account for the fact that millions of users may quit Facebook in response to the imposition of fees.  “I’m not going to pay for Facebook!  It’s like paying for air.  It’s not right,” said longtime Facebook junkie,  Jessica Samsille.  “Screw them, I’m going back to MySpace,” said Bo Chan.

No matter.  Facebook executives are excited at the prospect of charging users. “We’re going to make money hand over fist,” said Facebook CEO Cindy Shooman.  “I think converting to a pay service is something that will make Mark want to keep the site going.  And I’ll finally get to buy an island in the Mediterranean.”

July 15th, 2012 is Facebook Day.   The site will either shut down, or start charging users for its service – according to sources close to people from Silicon Valley.

Beware the ides of March…